24: Merry Christmas

Nothing as festive as an 80s C-list celebrity family in a range of knitted cardigans. I hope you enjoyed the calendar!

23: Hands On

And again, Hot Gossip! A set of ill-fitting dancing Pyjamas with "a trompe l'oeil effect that will be a summer stunner for any extrovert girl" who loves to look like she's being groped. This lady doesn't really look like she's particularly loving it, though.

22: The Hand that rocked the 60s

I think I may have copied this out slightly wrong, but according to my notes, "this is the shit which makes every woman look like she wants to look". It can't possibly get any more 80s than this. Interestingly, the pattern makes no mention whatsoever of shoulderpads, so maybe people in the 80s just had naturally angular shoulders.

21: "Patrick Hughes, the painter"

Not that much wrong with this, and it's quite Christmassy!

20: So Flattering!

Oh, this is one of my favourites. It's described as "well cut", bringing out Geraldine James' "glowing physical appeal" with the benefit of "instant streamlining", as, unbelievably, she was "six months pregnant when photographed". It's amazing what a huge, garishly coloured blanket/tent covered in bobbles can do for your figure.

19: More Hot Gossip!

A "delicate pink and grey twenties-style playsuit with silver laces" AND it has space for a diaper!

18: Kiki Dee

"Colour coordinated hit number. Dont break your heart over this little wrap style coat, sweater and skirt. just get out the needles and run them up for yourself. Pop singer Kiki swears it's her favourite cover up." Again, what's with the naked bellybutton?

17: a quick breather: a NICE jumper.

Polly Hemingway, Roy Marsden's wife, does have terrible hair and a weird fake watch, but this jumper (with a deep scoop neck) is actually really nice so I might make this one!

16: like mother, like daughter

Jilly Johnson "makes the most of legs that have already made her a fortune", fair enough... but making her daughter wear this as well? It would be cool in green as a sort of sexy turtle fancy dress.

He's free to wear whatever he wants.

Ah! Finally a celebrity I recognise. The jumper is so garish you hardly even notice the nasty curtains and tacky knickknacks in the background. But then John Inman *is* "an elegant connoisseur of unusual colours".

14: Fluoro adult bib

With Zoe Brown, I don't have to feel too bad that I've never heard of her, as she's really not famous at all, but someones niece, and "loves her aunt's country-lady shawl and wears a version hotted up with wild stripes".

14: Fluoro adult bib

With Zoe Brown, I don't have to feel too bad that I've never heard of her, as she's really not famous at all, but someones niece, and "loves her aunt's country-lady shawl and wears a version hotted up with wild stripes".

13: Yes. Lace gloves AND white slacks.

"Bonnie Langford can dance like a star, sing like a star" but still looks about as glamorous as a first-round X-Factor auditionee. There's many things that could be said about this, but for some reason I can't think anything but "haemorrhoids".

Sensible use of time

Instead of packing up all my stuff, deciding what to take and what to put in storage, doing my corrections, or even making some sort of plan for the next few months of my life, I made this a dress with strawberries on. Bit see-through unfortunately.

12: His repertoire includes Beethoven AND opera!

Robert White is "especially adored by the Queen Mother and Prince Charles" and is wearing another horrific piece. You know those very ugly handbags old ladies like, that are made of a patchwork of scrap pieces of leather? That's how I see this jumper.

11: A gentler sort of chap

Tim Pigott-Smith has designed this mind-bogglingly clever jumper that can be worn in three different configurations. Really though - if you think about it, there are at least 9 combinations, especially considering the 80's preference for asymmetry. Even more, if you join the pieces up in different ways! Oh, the possibilities!

10: Julie Waters facing her always busy day

Julie Waters looks like the photographer surprised her in her teenage bedroom at her parents house, that she recently had to move back to after being jilted at the altar. Having her hair and makeup done would have been just too much of an ordeal after she'd been crying for weeks so she just wrapped herself in her favourite blankie and put a strained smile on.

Advert break

Even though my dream of a yarn stall never materialised, I have three needle rolls that I have already made and am now selling on ebay. Clicking on the pictures will take you to the auction if you're interested.







If you know anyone who might be interested do pass it on...

9: It's as if Barbie ate too many marshmallows and puked all over a tablecloth

"David Shilling, international hatter and dress designer, models his flamboyant colour blocked sweater which guarantees that any man or woman who wears it steals the show."

I won't dilute the hilarity of this photo with silly comments.

By the way, if anyone is interested in the actual patterns, let me know. Who wouldn't want to make this?

8: "almost as much style as her close friend Boy George"

Elbow warmers are what it's all about. The 80's were terribly harsh times for elbows, they needed all the protection they could get. The dress is quite nice I guess, but psst, Kate Garner, "lead singer of the pop group Hayzi Fantayzee", I can kind of see your boobs.

7: Migraine inducing bodystocking

"Patti Boulaye is one of Prince Charles' favourite artists" and is *almost* managing to pull off this daring dress. The sleeves are rather reminiscent of those paper sleeves on a roast chicken, and I don't know how she's avoiding VPL, but overall actually quite sexy.

6: Tudor Ms Nikolaus

I don't even know where to begin with this one. The "Tudor" sleeves? The strange knotted hat thing (a "1985 hat", apparently)? The lady is called Molly Parkin, "comedienne, poet, novelist and chat show stirrer", if that means anything to anyone. Ah, it's no use pretending. The fact is that I would probably wear the whole thing.

The reason this is today's picture is that she does look quite a lot like a modern day female St Nicholas. Well, more so than anyone else in the book.

Christmas presents

I have a compulsion to make presents myself. I am quite aware that most of my friends would probably be much happier with something simple from a shop, but I can't help it. I guess being unemployed and having nothing else to focus on helps!

Anyway, I've been crocheting (I know! I still don't really like it though. Very hard to watch TV while crocheting.) Christmas decorations for my friend M. It's the first Christmas she's living with her boyfriend so she's really going for it with the decorations I think. According to him she's going for a deep red and silver colour scheme so these Norwegian hearts and snowflakes/stars should just about work.





For her boyfriend however, who a) loves drinking a LOT of tea and b) is missing Bristol quite badly after moving to Leeds this summer, I bought a massive teacup shaped plant pot and painted a Bristol skyline on it. I am definitely spending too much time on all this stuff!

5: If you knit a legwarmer a couple of sizes bigger, you can wear it as a skirt!

Clare Grogan off of Altered Images sporting a suitably shocked expression & hairdo with this ensemble. This will keep you nice and warm in most places while still offering you a pleasant breeze round the midriff area.

It's Japanese inspired dont'cha know.

4: Hot Gossip - wooly excercise pyjamas.

"Floid" from Hot Gossip, who Wikipedia informs me were an "erotic dance troupe". I'm thinking Pan's People. This is the first in a series of knitted dance outfits. Hawt.

I don't know why, but I have a strong feeling that ponytail isn't real.

3: Pretty Woman, nananana na

"Debbie Brett, the top model who was dubbed 'the most beautiful girl in the world' has a stunning 21-inch waist' and is still only photographed with her arm in front of her belly in this bizarre creation. This is the sort of garment where you can really show off your pubic hair (bottom left). I presume Prince Charles was a fan of this one too.

2: Ms Oatmeal-Doubleboob

"Eve Pollard is a favourite TV AM personality [...] and has chosen an ultra-conventional neutral shaded cricket-style sweater with an absolutely shocking cleavage."

One of the more normal offerings here, but with a really incredibly ill-fitting bra. Ouch.

Advent Calendar

I thought I'd cross-post these from my Facebook. I'll be giving you one picture from "Celebrity Knitting", a wonderful 1985 book, every day til Christmas eve. Enjoy.



"Three Degrees", Prince Charles's favourite girl rock group, apparently (remember this was before the Spice Girls grabbed his arse). Prince Charles' approval seems to be generally a proof of quality, this will be a recurring theme in this book.

The girls "went wild over these designs and let them go to their heads in the most flattering way". Can't argue with that. I like to think they look a bit like the three wise women. Certainly exotic.